I just want to sleep…. sleep for like three days! It’s all I keep thinking about! That among like one or two other things! Finishing school obviously! As we speak I am getting offered a family shoot, and I don’t have my calender to see if I can do it. Some random guy I had class with last semester just approached me and asked me if I would go on the radio and act… How random is this day! I told him no…Sometimes I feel really guilty for telling people no, but I don’t want to. I am tired of doing things out of guilt I just want to sit here and eventually make my way down to the media center and sign up for printing time tomo! I should print right now but I don’t have it all with me!

I miss my best friend! 

I want to watch a movie tonight! Read Isaiah maybe, eat something really good! Jump on a trampoline! These are all the random thoughts in my head! My mac just stares at me confused by my weirdness… 

I need an internship for the summer. I must head home now attempt to do something to move me forward towards my three days of sleep. Thinking about even working when this tired scares me! I tend to tell people what I think on a more free scale when I’m tired! 

Happy Birthday J!

My stomach hurts from all the stress… Stress… I’m wondering if there are holes in my stomach from ulcers. I can’t handle all the stress… I feel ready to shut down. I won’t… I can’t…There isn’t room for quitting this close to finishing! 

Ice cream sounded so good yesterday, but today I want to throw up… Maybe it’s all hitting me. Maybe the ice cream from steak-n-shake is just now hitting me or the shooter burger I ate… I don’t believe in eating fast food, but sometimes you just don’t have time to do it all!

My teacher is talking about being egotistical or duckotistical… He’s pointing at pictures with his eyebrows in an inward slant towards his nose… Teachers have to do that in order to appear smarter than the rest of us… My teacher is smarter and cooler, and so chill! He isn’t trying to seem smarter he genuinely cares about our work. I like that he cares and wants to make us better photographers… The world could use more teachers like him. He’s laid back and doesn’t stress anyone out… 

Had a meeting today with our youth team! I love them! We laugh so hard together sometimes. Today I couldn’t even speak cause of how upset my stomach. I’m being asked right now whether or not I use I-photo….I do all the time! My cambodia pictures are in there! Me loviiieee Cambodia.

I must go and try to print my pictures! Goodbye! Yes this is beyond random I know!

I got called desperate recently (which now was like a month ago.)

I don’t know why but that worked my nerves and really made me mad. I can’t fully explain how picky I am when it comes to dating nor can I express how much it bugs me when people have the attitude of ‘oh I guess you will do.” 

I need a stage  or pulpit for moment here…

First I don’t know where the foundation is in calling me desperate. I haven’t dated in quite awhile. Maybe I am the idiot who doesn’t just jump right on the marriage bandwagon of ‘lets just do this!” But to me it’s just so important to be with your fit! 

I asked someone recently who was considering dating someone, I asked, “Does this person knock you off your feet?” Like are you attracted to them, or are you just filling space in your car, talk time on the phone, ect… They didn’t really have a good answer for me.

I just see it like this… It’s gotta be incredible! People are now either calling me desperate or too picky I got that one the other day too.

I had the real deal once… I just can’t justify getting in a relationship till someone interests me like that again. I take that stuff really serious. People always say give them a chance….

I gave someone a chance once and wasn’t crazy about them… Two years later I’m miserable just getting out of the relationship. Marriage shouldn’t scare people it should excite them… It terrified me during those two years because I knew I wasn’t ever going to fall in love, I just loved this person.

I think people settle far to much in this area. I asked a girl the other day, “Don’t you want to be someone you can’t live without, rather than someone you have to learn to live with? Don’t you want Chemistry, and good talks, and the ability to be extremely goofy, and share inside jokes, and someone that only sees you when they look at you?”

Her eyes kinda glazed over as my words were sinking in. “Yes, but I want to be done with the whole dating thing I just want to get married!”

AHHHHHHHHHH Why get married if it’s not gonna be the most incredible thing ever!

Granite I’m single. Still. I’m 24. But I stand firm in believing I have an idea of what it looks like to be in love. I believe I have been. 

It means you can’t wait to see them. You count down the hours, sometimes even minutes. Your heart skips around at the sight of them, you can communicate with eachother over a crowded room of people, inside jokes warm your heart, and you could stay at home all night doing something as stupid as coloring and it will be the best memory you’ve ever made because it’s just who you are together. You can talk for hours and somehow hang up still wanting to talk. You can relive your best memories over and over and it just never gets old. You feel protected, trusted. You protect and you trust! You will give up anything… That’s what real love looks like! 

Now to all of you out there who don’t believe in waiting for all that! Here’s my advice… Your only suppose to get married once… In our nation we believe in three and four…Well even five times… But why not just wait a little longer until that one peson walks by and suddenly your heart knows… I believe my heart along with others know when they belong with someone else’s… You just know! Wait till the moment that person walks by and you no longer have the ability to see anyone else! It’s the most incredible thing and to settle for anything less is emotional suicide!

I love you all!